


let me drive for a while

by HolisticFangirl



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Driving, First Kiss, Fluff, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Project Blackwing (Dirk Gently), Rescue Mission
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-18
Updated: 2018-09-18
Packaged: 2019-07-14 03:35:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16032158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HolisticFangirl/pseuds/HolisticFangirl
Summary: “I don’t know what I would do, Dirk, if you got captured. So-- So don’t apologize for being a good friend, okay? Because you are. You’re the best friend anyone could ever hope for, and Mona knows you’re coming for her. She knows. And she’ll be okay until we get there.”-They're on a rescue mission to save Mona Wilder from Blackwing, and they can do anything so long as they have each other.





	let me drive for a while

Dirk is driving slowly.

Ultimately, that’s what manages to wake Todd up from his dreamless sleep. He stirs in the passenger seat of the Rowdies’ van, blue eyes fluttering open hazily. He stares up at the roof of the vehicle, wondering for a moment why everything’s so dark. It’s only then that he realizes the sun has finally set, meaning they’ve been driving for nearly-- he quickly does the math-- fifteen hours now.

He straightens up, wincing as his stiff joints creak in protest.

“Ah, you’re awake,” a tired voice says from his left, and Todd turns to face his best friend. Dirk kind of looks like he’s glowing in the light of the moon that streams in through the car’s windows, but that doesn’t hide the fact that his knuckles are clenched so tightly around the wheel they’re turning white.

“You okay?” Todd asks immediately, his voice coming out slower and groggier than he meant it to.

Dirk doesn’t take his eyes off the road. “Yes, Todd, I’m fine.”

Todd doesn’t believe him for a second. He half-lifts his hand, reaching out to touch the fabric of Dirk’s yellow leather jacket in a comforting gesture, but drops it back down to his side at the last moment. “We’ll… we’ll get her back, you know,” he says awkwardly.

Dirk does that sad, painful avoiding-eye-contact thing again. “Thank you, Todd,” he says quietly.

Todd swallows hard, glancing quickly out the window. They’re the only ones in sight, and the road ahead of them seems to stretch out endlessly. To his right and left, a vast expanse of dried grass blurs past, miles upon miles of empty nothingness. The van’s headlights illuminate the nighttime world in front of them with a startling brightness, and Todd can see tiny moths hovering at the edges of the windshield.

He sneaks a look back at Dirk and his chest constricts painfully. What do you say to someone when you’re on your way to rescue their closest childhood friend from a government facility?

“Mona will be okay,” he hears his voice saying with a fierce sort of clarity.

This time, Dirk does look away from the road-- briefly, but it’s enough time for their gazes to meet, and Todd can see that his eyes are shining with tears.

Dirk nods tightly before facing front once more. Todd can see his throat bob has he swallows.

The car slows even further until they’re almost crawling on the road, and Todd’s reminded of why he woke up in the first place.

Dirk _never_ drives slowly. This Mona-being-captured thing must be _killing_ him.

Todd doesn’t blame him. If Dirk got taken by Blackwing-- _again--_ he honestly doesn’t know what he would do. Probably not stop searching until he got him back. Probably not eat or sleep or--

Wait. When was the last time Dirk actually _slept?_

“Dirk,” Todd murmurs, “pull over.”

Dirk doesn’t look at him but he complies, bringing the van to a painful halt at the side of the road. Todd can hear pebbles pinging against the metal of the tires, and he feels a surge of gratefulness towards Amanda for letting them borrow the van.

“Come on,” Todd says gently, “let’s get out and stretch our legs.”

Wordlessly, Dirk pushes open the driver’s door. Todd does the same, opening his door with a click and hopping outside. His battered sneakers crunch when they hit the gravel, and he stands still for a moment, listening to the chirp of crickets and breathing in the scent of rainwater. It must have rained while he was asleep.

Dirk comes around the car to meet him, and when he does, he’s sniffling quietly. It makes Todd’s heart pang.

“Hey,” Todd whispers, “it’s going to be okay. Mona’s smart, Dirk, she’ll be okay.”

Dirk inhales one long, shuddering breath, and then the full-out sobs begin.

Todd stands still for a moment, feeling completely and utterly useless. He’s never been good at dealing with crying people-- he’s never been good at dealing with emotions, _period._

But this is _Dirk._ This is his best friend and he’s _hurting_ and Todd needs to _do something about it._

So Todd takes a step forward, just one shaky step, and pulls Dirk in for a tight embrace.

It’s awkward at first, because Dirk is tall and Todd is just _not,_ but Dirk hugs back and buries his face in Todd’s hair and Todd can feel him trembling with the force of his sobs.

“It’s so horrible there,” Dirk whimpers. “It’s so, so horrible, and Mona doesn’t-- she doesn’t deserve--”

“Shh,” Todd soothes, mumbling into the fabric of Dirk’s shirt, “I know. I know, Dirk, I know.”

He’s not sure how long they stand there, just holding each other up, but when Dirk’s sobs start to taper off, they pull apart.

Dirk stares at the ground, as if the scattered rocks near his shoes are the most interesting things in the world. “Sorry, Todd,” he says in a too-loud voice, and it makes something inside Todd break.

“Don’t apologize,” he says roughly, reaching out to take Dirk’s chin in his hand. He forces Dirk’s face upwards so he can look at him, and the vulnerability written across Dirk’s expression hits him like a punch in the gut.

“This is not your fault,” Todd continues softly, “and you can’t-- you can’t blame yourself for crying. She’s your _friend,_ Dirk. I would-- I would be--” And he swallows hard, forcing himself to not be a coward and to keep looking into Dirk’s eyes. “I don’t know what I would do, Dirk, if you got captured. So-- So don’t apologize for being a good friend, okay? Because you are. You’re the best friend anyone could ever hope for, and Mona knows you’re coming for her. She knows. And she’ll be okay until we get there.”

Todd suddenly realizes that he’s still gripping Dirk’s face, so he hastily drops his arms down and scoots back. But Dirk keeps looking at him with an intensity that makes it feel like he’s burning holes straight through Todd’s core.

Todd absently rubs the back of his neck, feeling his face heat up. Had he said the wrong thing? He doesn’t exactly have the best track record in the _friends_ department, after all, and what-- what if what he said made it _worse?_ What if it just made Dirk feel… feel _guilty,_ or something equally stupid?

 _I’ve messed everything up,_ a panicked voice shrieks in Todd’s brain. _Okay, backtrack, how do I take it all ba--_

“Thank you,” Dirk breathes, and Todd snaps his head up.

Dirk’s eyes are still swimming with sadness and pain and there are still a few lone tears tracking down his cheeks but he’s smiling, and it’s _genuine_. It’s genuine and deep and filled with so much emotion that Todd feels kind of choked up all of a sudden.

He shrugs hesitantly. “No big deal?” he offers, but then Dirk closes the distance between them and they’re standing toe-to-toe, chest-to-chest, nose-to-nose, and Todd suddenly forgets how to breathe.

Dirk leans forward, just _barely,_ and their lips brush.

Todd is frozen, motionless, as Dirk’s mouth touches his own. Dirk’s lips are soft and warm and taste a little bit like salt, and a wave of adrenaline rushes through Todd’s veins and his heart throws itself violently at his ribcage, like it’s trying to fly away. Suddenly, everything just _clicks_ and it’s beautiful and perfect and Todd lets his eyes fall shut, bringing his hands up to rest on Dirk’s waist.

But it’s over too soon. Dirk pulls back and Todd opens his eyes, already craving his warmth.

Dirk takes a tiny step back, looking at him nervously, and Todd instantly feels like the most selfish asshole to ever walk the planet.

He just _let Dirk kiss him._

And it doesn’t _matter_ how many times Todd’s dreamed of Dirk actually returning his feelings-- he’s an asshole for taking advantage of him at a time like this.

“I’m sorry,” Todd blurts, shaking his head so fast he nearly gets whiplash. “Dirk, I can’t--”

Any light still left inside Dirk’s eyes dies out, his features shuttering and closing off.

“Right,” he says, brushing his hands on his jacket. His face is still damp with tears. “I apologize, Todd. I should have realized that you don’t-- that you don’t feel that way about-- about me. I shouldn’t have done that. I’m sorry.”

Each word is said in a clipped, professional tone-- a tone Todd’s never heard before from Dirk, and it feels like a punch to the gut.

Dirk is pointedly avoiding Todd’s gaze and he starts to turn, ready to walk back around the van and continue driving.

And Todd can’t help himself; seeing Dirk like this just _breaks_ him, and he can’t _stand_ it, and he’s always been selfish, hasn’t he?

“Wait,” he says, and he sounds winded, like he’s just run a marathon. “Dirk, I-- wait.”

Dirk sighs, turning to look at him. “Are you quitting the agency?” he asks quietly, in a voice so… so _resigned,_ so full of self-loathing, that it makes Todd feel like crying.

“No!” he exclaims, like the idea is ludicrous-- because it _is,_ because he would _never_ leave Dirk like that. “I-- I _do_ like you like… _that_. I-- I have for a while, now.”

He sees something like hope spark in Dirk’s blue-green eyes, framed with lashes so long they catch the moonlight.

“But,” Todd continues, and Dirk flinches. “But I can’t-- you’re upset over Mona, and I can’t-- can’t take advantage of you like that. What if you don’t actually _want_ this, and you’re just-- just--”

He doesn’t even know what to say.

But Dirk faces him and grips his shoulders and shakes his head empathetically. “Todd, I _do,”_ he says, with so much conviction Todd almost kisses him again out of instinct. “I-- I’m just-- I don’t know what I would do without you, and I want you to be my-- you know, my… _partner._ In-- in more than just detective-ing.”

“Your boyfriend,” Todd exhales, and he briefly wonders if he’s dreaming.

Dirk nods again, hope making his face glow.

“Yeah,” Todd murmurs, a grin making his lips twitch upwards. “I’d-- I’d like that.”

Dirk smiles at him, albeit a little shakily. He reaches forward, letting his fingers tangle with Todd’s, and leans down to let their foreheads touch.

“You need to sleep,” Todd murmurs, concern filling him at the sight of the dark circles ringing Dirk’s eyes. “Sleep, and let me drive for a while.”

“Thank you,” Dirk whispers back, and his eyes focus on Todd’s lips.

Todd laughs lightly and stands on his tiptoes to quickly kiss Dirk’s forehead. A happy sort of warmth pools in his stomach, dispelling any lingering fear or worry or guilt.

When they pull apart, Todd says, “We’ll rescue Mona. We will.”

Dirk nods once, and he’s-- _wow, he’s beautiful._ “I know.”


End file.
